You might have noticed that I’ve sort of avoided the DIY Category on the Cheaplander site ever since it was launched. That’s puzzling, because making stuff and doing odd jobs on your own are part of the greatest ways you can save money. This is the Cheaplander’s mantra - do it yourself instead of hiring someone to do it for you.

I’m a huge do-it-yourselfer. Notice, I didn’t say I was a GOOD do-it-yourselfer. Haha, sometimes quite the opposite. The main reason I haven’t gotten into the whole DIY thing here, is that I’ve had experience with writing up posts like that, and inevitably it turns out into a labor-intensive TUTORIAL. These tutorials are butt-hard to write up and produce photos for, and they take up a large chunk of time that could be spent blogging poetically about The Octo-posse.

But you know what? Who cares, I’m just going to post whatever into the DIY category. No tutorials. Here you go, let’s start with plumbing.

When I was a kid, I used to wonder what the hell people were talking about when they complained how expensive plumbers were. The thing is I’d never even SEEN a plumber at our house in 25 or so years. The reason is that both my dad and uncle are the insane do-it-yourself, handymen type. Plumbing is actually just the tip of the iceberg for these guys, it is both astounding and terrifying to see what else is in their garages.

They have their own motorized plumbing snake, their garage cabinets are filled with pipe wrenches and lengths of PVC and they are immune to the smell of decade old sewer sludge. I am only a young jedi plumber, so I’m not yet immune to the effects of smelly sewer pipe. Maybe some day… in a galaxy far away.

Now, I understand that not everyone’s family is like this. We were supremely lucky, and as a kid I had a front row seat to learn all about DIY Plumbing.

Too bad I didn’t pay any fricken attention. I think I was too busy playing Pitfall on the Atari 2600.

Still, the fact that they have never hired a plumber did stick with me. Over the years, they must have saved thousands of dollars. We’re lucky enough that my uncle and parents live in the next city over from us, so if there’s an emergency, I call them up first.

But, over the years I’ve been attempting to try and learn at least some of the simple stuff. I still don’t think I’d ever attempt to dig up the sewer pipe mains in the yard (dad and uncle have done that many, many times), and if there came a time when they weren’t available I WOULD have to call a plumber.

One of the things I’ve learned is how to unclog drains. Now I know they have Drano and all sorts of chemicals you can pour down the drain to try and unclog it. But a lot of the time, you can do it faster if you have a plumbing snake. In addition, sometimes no matter what you pour down the drain, you won’t be able to unclog it. This happens a lot in our bathroom sink, and when it does I reach for the snake. They sell small versions like the one shown above with a handcrank at Home Depot and other stores. It’s pretty much the same thing a plumber uses, except his is larger, is motorized and it has a longer reach. Hm… I could make a fun joke here, but I won’t.

That snakeypoo has bailed me out so many times. The only thing tough is finding an entrance point. If you do it from the top of the sink (highly NOT recommended, even if that’s the way I had to do it many times) you need to take apart the drain plunger first. But most houses have several “ports” for putting a snake in - the trick may be to find them. They’re usually outside, but occasionally are also inside.

If there’s no entry point, you may have to take off some of the plumbing to make one. In that case, pray you have plastic plumbing. Metal brass stuff, while durable, is a BITCH to take off. Especially if you are a 130lb skinny weakling like me…

So, in order to take apart any metal pieces, you probably need some sort of pipe wrench. You probably want to have two, actually, since there’s times when you might need to use both at once. If you’re looking for a pipe wrench (and it’s not an emergency), I would check the local swap meet - you can get some great deals on them there.

One of the toughest things I’ve found about using pipe wrenches is not actually the turning, but holding them up for long periods of time. I don’t have biceps of steel (nor buns of steel). Second hardest thing is the fact that they are really long - it’s hella tough to cram them into a small space like the bottom of a bathroom sink at the correct angle. Insert funny picture here.

The other thing you might need is something to cut plastic pipe. It’s good to have a hacksaw around anyhow in case you also need to cut metal. But I also like the light pvc pipe cutter shown in the pic above (it’s the item above the pipe wrench). It has a ratchet that allows you to cut down on pvc pipe used for the sprinklers outside. That’s what I originally bought it for. But I’ve found it works for thinner plastic pipe used underneath the sinks as well.

Some other cheap things to have around that help with the DIY plumbing:

Plumber’s tape - This is that roll of thin white tape that you put around threaded metal pipe in order to get a good seal.

Plumber’s putty - This is good to form a waterproof seal between any two rigid surfaces. I don’t use it that much, but it’s cheap enough and lasts long enough just to have a jar around.

Screwdriver set - Good to have both a flathead and phillips, some pipe clamps need it. You might also need a socket set, but not as many clamps use that nowadays I think.

Flashlight - I can’t even begin to tell you how dark it is underneath the sink. Or how dark it is inside a sewer pipe.

Old Toothbrush - These things are fabooo at scrubbing out sludge and slime from pipe parts. I sometimes also use an old metal spoon, or a chopstick. Just make sure you don’t put the used toothbrush where someone might brush with it!

Plastic Containers - I use old styrofoam mushroom tubs and sour cream containers. These are good to keep loose parts as well as form a receptacle for nasty slimesludge that you’ve scooped out.

Newspaper - Put this stuff all over the floor, stat! It’ll save on cleanup.

Roll of Paper Towels - You want this stuff HANDY, and I mean a roll right next to you. Nothing is worse than plumbing with nothing to wipe sludge onto.

Gloves - In most cases, I plumb “au naturale”. But you might find gloves handy if you need to hold a pipe while turning with the wrench.

So, today’s job was actually to completely replace the old brass plumbing underneath our sink with modern plastic stuff. You might think I’d want to keep the older brass stuff, which is probably from 1950 or so - and we have kept it for over 10 years. But it’s such a pain to take apart and the top rubber gasket started to leak, so I decided to finally switch it over.

At right is the finished job. I pretty much just took everything apart, went to Home Depot to buy all the plastic replacement pieces, and then switched it out. Once you get to putting in the plastic, it’s pretty easy. The hardest part for me always is taking everything apart, and then making sure all the pieces you buy fit together and connect correctly to the existing pipes. It can also take some doing (and pipe cutting) in order to get the correct “angle” where everything fits together. Hm… was that a video game called Pipe Mania?

In this case, the sink drain pipe, the P-trap and a 1 1/4 to 2 inch adjustable clamp to connect to the sewer pipe were all that were needed. What the farking P-Trap for? Well, it’s the little bend in the tube at the bottom shaped like a “u”. Seems extraneous at first - but it remains filled with water and thereby blocks the sewer gas smell from coming back up the drain. It also serves as a low point in the system to trap hair and other gunk. When your sink doesn’t drain, and if a snake doesn’t seem to dislodge any gunk - it’s a good idea to try and remove the p-trap first if possible and clean it. That’s another reason I like plastic instead of metal, it’s just easier to remove.

Check for leaks immediately - wipe everything clean, turn on the water full blast, and wait. Sometimes stuff won’t leak for awhile. If it leaks, make adjustments and re-test, but be sure to wipe everything dry again.

One last thing - SAVE EVERYTHING. This is a (sometimes unfortunate) consequence of Cheaplander living. Save the old pipe pieces if they aren’t too degraded. Save the screws, fittings, and plastic pipe (plastic is easily cleaned). Never know when you might need them. Save the wrapping and paper on the new pipe pieces - if things don’t work out, you can often return them for credit or even a full refund.

I think this cost me around $15 for the parts and about 3 hours for the labor. I’m not sure how much plumbers charge per hour, but I think I came out ahead. Now if I could just wash this pleasant funky sewer smell off my hands…