Part of my research requirements was to observe a subject eating a frozen breakfast “meal” and document the events. I picked a male subject whom I was told eats these on occasion and enjoys the experience. After observing the subject for a few days in his “natural habitat”, I decided to present him with a Smart Ones Breakfast Sandwich and observe the outcome.

These sandwiches come two to a box. One serving is one sandwich. For scientific purposes, the specs of the sandwich are presented on the left.

I removed the sandwich from the packaging and noticed a few things. First, the sandwich seems awfully tiny. Even for me, I thought it seemed small. The “egg” part of the sandwich reminded me of those toy frisbees that sometimes came as prizes in cereals. It was about the same size and upon touching it, even had the same sort of texture to it. The heating instructions for this sandwich were just as specific as they were for the quesadilla. First after removing from package, it had to be wrapped up in a paper towel. I’m unfamiliar with this cooking method. I have used a damp paper towel on occasion if I’m heating up some soup or other liquid in the microwave to help prevent splattering but never as a food wrap.

Once wrapped, the sandwich was to be heated for 1 minute and 30 seconds on high and left to rest for 30 seconds. I completed the heating but failed on the waiting. I was a little impatient and the subject who was going to receive the sandwich was purposefully delayed his lunch to ensure he would be adequately hungry when the sandwich was presented. That’s the long winded way of saying he was hungry and starting to make angry grunting noises in his “natural habitat”.

I took a quick peek at the sandwich before heating it up for another 30 seconds and saw that some of the cheese had melted onto the paper towel. I was nervous to continue heating it because I wanted to maintain as much of the ingredients on the sandwich as possible. I proceeded with the full 30 seconds. Which caused the paper towel to look like it was the result of a very rough and very drunk one night stand (I’m assuming here of course.). I took a look to see if there was any cheese left on the sandwich and there was! Thankgoodness! Otherwise I would have had to add some cheese, throwing off my experiment entirely. I touched the egg part again and it felt the same as it did before heating. Curious! And also a little freaky.

I presented the meal to the subject slowly and cautiously. He looked from me to the meal several times before taking it. He accepted the sandwich. Success! I backed away slowly to a safe distance to observe the subject about to eat the sandwich. The subject smelled the sandwich first and grunted something. All I could make out was, “…like McDonald’s”. At this time I am unsure of the significance of this statement.

After a few bites, the subject left the sandwich unattended. In a brave and probably not so bright move for research, I jumped into the subject’s environment to take a quick picture of the contents of the sandwich. You can clearly see the English muffin, egg, and Canadian style bacon. What is left of the cheese is hiding. I jumped back to my safety area just in time and narrowly missed an encounter that I know would have been disastrous had I been discovered.

It took the subject a few minutes to eat the sandwich. When he reached the end, the meal was followed by what these beings are known to express when less than pleased with something. He looked in my direction, as if knowing I was still watching and proclaimed, “MEH”.

That’s right, “MEH” was all the subject had to say on the matter.

No beings were harmed during the research experiment.

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Guys, I have to tell you that after my breakfast quesadilla encounter, I was scared to try this breakfast sandwich. My husband said he would eat it and that’s because he’ll eat frozen breakfast things no problem. But I must admit that it took me a long time to actually heat this up and serve it to him because it’s hard for me, in good conscience, to serve something not healthy to someone else. Most especially my husband. After since we’re being honest, these Smart Ones aren’t so healthy really. Not to mention the title of this sandwich alone takes about 5 minutes to say. Crikey!

My husband said the sandwich was just okay and not really all that spectacular. Coming from him, that’s saying a lot actually because again, he’s someone that likes these type of meals. He said the “Canadian bacon” was very dry and the egg was bland. The English muffin soft and not crispy at all.

Would I buy these? No. I asked my husband if he would like me to buy these for him and he said no. When asked if he would eat them again, if someone offered him one, he said yes. So there you have it, not good enough for him to want to purchase. but edible enough he would eat them again. I say purchase at your own risk.